Mr. Oliver is giving us a run for our money these days. He is so strong willed, so independent. And, I have been struggling. I know, in my heart of hearts, that being so strong-willed will serve him well in life, but being the mother of strong-willed little boy is not all that much fun sometimes.
He is a passionate little person. He loves his brother fiercely. He loves to be helpful. He has a budding sense of humor that I can't wait to see more of (knock-knock jokes anyone?). He sticks up for the underdog - which I love. He is a justice seeker; he wants everything to be fair. He is sweet and kind. He is inquisitive. His curiosity knows no bounds. I see so many fantastic traits in him. Most of the time he is pretty amazing. We had about a month where Mylo and I kept saying to each other, "Oliver is just so fun to be around these days."
Then the trend changed. He was feeling under the weather. He suddenly decided he would no longer nap (which, yes, I realize it is amazing that he has napped this long). He started saying "no" to everything we would ask him to do. He gets in these frantic moods where he will listen to no one until he completely melts down. He has been lying - little harmless fibs, which I know are an age appropriate developmental stage, but are nonetheless disconcerting. Basically, he has been defiant.
I did not cope with the change well. I struggled. I lacked patience. I lacked compassion. I felt like my head was slipping below the water. I raised my voice; yelled. None of it was working. None of it was helpful. None of it felt right. I was not being the mother that I envisioned for myself or my children. I reflected and felt profoundly guilty.
I often think that the currency of motherhood is guilt. Guilt that you work; guilt that you are distracted and not present; guilt that you do things for yourself; guilt that you are not patient enough. Motherhood is tough. My guilt is exacerbated by my working full-time. I have limited time with my kids and I put a lot of pressure on myself for that time to beperfect good.
In reality, even if you spend all day, every day with your children, a lot of it will not necessarily be fun. I need to let go of those unrealistic expectations. I need to breathe and contemplate my actions before I automatically raise my voice. I need to exercise regularly (I am a very unhappy person without regular exercise). I need to let go of the guilt and be more present. I need to think about being an example of the behavior I want to see in my children.
I have starting reading "Buddhism for Mothers" and it very helpful. I also ordered "Raising Your Spirited Child" and put a hold on another book a friend recommended. I have been better in the last week. Less yelling. More kind words. My soul feels lighter. I still have a long way to go, but I feel a renewed sense of enjoyment in being my children, even when they are beingdefiant crazy. I am finding more joy in the small moments.
Motherhood is hard, but so is being a toddler. I think we are both (Ollie and I) for the challenge. He got that strong willed nature somewhere...
Then the trend changed. He was feeling under the weather. He suddenly decided he would no longer nap (which, yes, I realize it is amazing that he has napped this long). He started saying "no" to everything we would ask him to do. He gets in these frantic moods where he will listen to no one until he completely melts down. He has been lying - little harmless fibs, which I know are an age appropriate developmental stage, but are nonetheless disconcerting. Basically, he has been defiant.
I did not cope with the change well. I struggled. I lacked patience. I lacked compassion. I felt like my head was slipping below the water. I raised my voice; yelled. None of it was working. None of it was helpful. None of it felt right. I was not being the mother that I envisioned for myself or my children. I reflected and felt profoundly guilty.
I often think that the currency of motherhood is guilt. Guilt that you work; guilt that you are distracted and not present; guilt that you do things for yourself; guilt that you are not patient enough. Motherhood is tough. My guilt is exacerbated by my working full-time. I have limited time with my kids and I put a lot of pressure on myself for that time to be
In reality, even if you spend all day, every day with your children, a lot of it will not necessarily be fun. I need to let go of those unrealistic expectations. I need to breathe and contemplate my actions before I automatically raise my voice. I need to exercise regularly (I am a very unhappy person without regular exercise). I need to let go of the guilt and be more present. I need to think about being an example of the behavior I want to see in my children.
I have starting reading "Buddhism for Mothers" and it very helpful. I also ordered "Raising Your Spirited Child" and put a hold on another book a friend recommended. I have been better in the last week. Less yelling. More kind words. My soul feels lighter. I still have a long way to go, but I feel a renewed sense of enjoyment in being my children, even when they are being
Motherhood is hard, but so is being a toddler. I think we are both (Ollie and I) for the challenge. He got that strong willed nature somewhere...
1 comments:
Right, there with you, mama! It's been a hard month. I realized, Corbin was not the only one having a hard time, I was also. Especially in my response to him, which was not helping this already hard situation... Glad it got better this week!
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